Veterans for Common Sense

Texas teen’s body found after abduction

Suspect held in Arizona, where he turned up wounded at hospital

The Associated Press Updated: 3:57 a.m. ET Jan. 22, 2005

TYLER, Texas – The surveillance camera captured the crime in chilling detail: A college student punches out after her night shift as a clerk at a Texas Wal-Mart and walks toward her truck in the parking lot. Suddenly she is attacked by a shadowy figure in a long, dark coat and kidnapped.

On Friday, 19-year-old Megan Leann Holden was found shot to death in a ditch near Stanton in West Texas, about 380 miles west of Tyler, where she had been abducted.

Police said she was killed at the hands of a man who went on a multistate crime spree before he turned up Friday at an Arizona hospital with a gunshot wound.

The suspect, Johnny Lee Williams, 24, was being held on a $1 million bond on an aggravated kidnapping charge from Texas, authorities said, adding that Williams was driving the woman’s pickup truck, which was parked outside the hospital.

Chilling scene captured on video
The apparent abductor — a man in a long, dark coat — was seen loitering around the front entrance of the store “for a good period of time,” Tyler police spokesman Don Martin said. The man was also seen on tape about 90 minutes before the abduction, emerging from a bathroom and walking around inside the store.

The tape later shows Holden getting into her truck just before midnight and the man “running up behind her and either hitting her or pushing her,” Martin said.

“There’s no doubt this was a total stranger abduction,” Tyler Police Chief Gary Swindle said.

Swindle provided little detail about the killing, but said Holden died of a gunshot wound, adding: “We have every indication that she was shot at the location where her body was found.”

Suspect’s crime spree
Authorities said Williams kept heading west as he continued his crime spree, attempting a robbery at an Arizona RV park, but was foiled by a store worker who fired the shot that landed Williams in the Arizona hospital where he was treated and then taken into custody.

“He said, ’This is robbery, I want all the money in the cash register,”’ retired New York City firefighter Richie Chapman said. “And as he said that, he drew a weapon from underneath his shirt, and I drew and fired.”

Because Holden was kidnapped in Tyler, Smith County District Attorney Matt Bingham said he would seek capital murder charges.

It was not known if Williams had an attorney.

‘Something happened to my son’
Police said Williams, a preacher’s son who was discharged last year after four years as a Marine, was arrested last month in Tyler on a cocaine possession charge. He was released the same day on $2,000 bond.

Police said Williams also was involved in an armed robbery at a convenience store in Texas on Thursday.

“Something happened to my son,” the suspect’s mother, Pat Williams, told Dallas television station KDFW, saying he had trouble adjusting to civilian life after serving in Iraq. “Some of the things that he endured I may never know. But it changed who he is and for that I’m sorry.”

As word spread Friday of the Tyler Junior College student’s death, about 100 people sang “Amazing Grace” and prayed during a candlelight vigil held outside the store where Holden had worked for about a month.

Martin, the police spokesman, said the victim’s mother was in a wreck while driving to Tyler. She was shaken and covered with cuts and bruises after flipping her car three times, a relative said.

Stacey Sullivan, Holden’s high school principal, described her as a friendly, easygoing girl who made a point of saying hello to people by name.

“Megan was just one of those students who you instantly liked,” Sullivan told The Dallas Morning News in Saturday’s edition. “Everyone is so upset because it was such a senseless tragedy. Why did this have to happen to her?”

“I Will Continue To Speak Out Until the Last Soldier Leaves Iraq”: Interview with Antiwar Veteran of the Iraq War

Patrick Resta, Specialist/E4, served as an Army medic in Iraq with the 30th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division. He was stationed in Iraq for eight months in 2004, returning home just about two months ago. He has recently begun speaking out against the war and occupation, and he is involved with Iraq Veterans Against the War. Left Hook’s Derek Seidman was recently able to catch up with Patrick Resta to ask him some questions about his experiences in Iraq, his reasons for making vocal his opposition to the war and occupation, his current activism, and his thoughts on several other topics.

Thank you for doing this interview Patrick. Can you begin by telling us when you were in Iraq? Where were you and what were you doing?

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to have my voice heard. I think it’s vital that veterans of this conflict speak out about what it’s really like out there.

I was at my camp in northeastern Iraq from March 12, 2004 to November 15, 2004. My camp was located in the Diyala province, the capital of which is Baqubah. To make that a little more understandable, we were about 100 miles northeast of Baghdad and roughly 30 miles from the Iranian border.

I was a medic, so that was my main focus. I would work shifts in our 3 bed ER sometimes, where we would see everything from the common cold to gun shot wounds and shrapnel injuries. I also accompanied patrols into towns and convoys to get supplies in case anyone was injured during the accomplishment of the mission.

When did you enter the military, and why did you join?

I joined the military shortly after high school. My main motivation was always money for college and to get some training in the medical field. I was in a position where my parents had made it clear that they were not in a position to assist me with college tuition. I think that the vast majority of people that enter the military do it for the educational benefits.

You said that you think it’s very important that vets speak out about what it’s really like over there in Iraq. I’d like to ask you a few questions about this. First, speaking from your own experience, what’s daily life like for most soldiers over there? What do you want people here to know about what’s really going on?

Your daily life as a soldier varies greatly by where you are in Iraq. Soldiers at the bigger camps have better and more numerous amenities than I ever did. These range from movie theaters, to swimming pools, to fast food restaurants, and stores. Living conditions also vary widely from barracks (almost like one would see here in the States), to trailers, and even tents. Daily activities also vary wildly depending on what your job is and what kind of unit you are in.

I myself lived in a trailer with three other medics. If you can picture one of the metal shipping containers at a port you have a good idea of the size. It was slightly smaller. It had fluorescent lights, air conditioning, and several power outlets. I rarely, if ever, had a day off for the entire time that I was over there. As I mentioned earlier, my days consisted of working in our clinic, going on patrols or missions, or going on convoys to other camps.

The thing that is most troubling to me about what is going on in Iraq is the public’s reaction, or lack thereof, to it. It seems to me that the public is a little too accepting of whatever the media feeds them and unwilling to research things for themselves. I think the misconceptions harbored by the public about how things are going in Iraq are dangerous. By this I refer to the following ideas: that the Iraqi people want us there, that we are rebuilding the country, that we are helping the Iraqi people, that the Iraqi security forces are anywhere near capable of taking over, and the list goes on and on. I cover each of these topics extensively in my comments I have readied for public speaking engagements.

There are also the troubling ideas the American public still harbors about soldiers in Iraq. A huge one is that most soldiers support the war and are happy to be there. During my time in Iraq, “The Stars and Stripes”, which is a military newspaper, released a poll that showed a clear majority of soldiers in Iraq as unsupportive of the policies. The paper also ran many letters to the editor that were critical of the administration and the war in general. The lack of armor on vehicles continues to be a problem that costs soldiers their lives and limbs. My unit had a huge problem with this issue. I have plenty of pictures of our vehicles with plywood “armor” being sent into combat.

You said that it was troubling to you that most Americans still believe that a most soldiers still support the policies our government is carrying out in Iraq. Soldiers’ opinions on the war vary, naturally. You were in Iraq for several months, and now you’re involved with Iraq Veterans Against the War. Are a good number of soldiers questioning the war and occupation and getting fed up with what’s going on?

I feel that plenty of soldiers don’t see the point of the efforts they’re making in Iraq. As my time wore on in Iraq more and more people were getting increasingly frustrated with being there. It becomes even more frustrating when you’re getting attacked pretty frequently, having people get injured, and even members of other units get killed. For a while after I first got there I would try to think of a reason for being in Iraq before I went to bed every night. I couldn’t think of one. I finally saw two pictures in National Geographic that made it pretty clear why I was there, and I taped them above my cot as a reminder. The first picture shows about 30 Marines guarding the Ministry of Oil in Baghdad. The second picture shows Navy personnel escorting an oil tanker through the Persian Gulf.

Being placed in that situation is only made worse by the lack of equipment. I realized rather quickly what my life was worth to this administration and to the American public. That being said, we all took our mission seriously and tried to have some positive impact to make our time in Iraq worth something. However, this was made pretty difficult with the rules that were put in place, such as only being allowed to treat Iraqis that were in danger of losing life or limb. It’s depressing to realize that for the next several months or even year of your life you will be risking your life for nothing. Any rocket or mortar coming in could take your life, or arms, or legs and there is little point to it. The vast majority of the Iraqi people don’t want you there, the reasons given for the war have proven false, and your continued presence only inflames the situation.

You mentioned the issue of the armor on your vehicles (or lack of). This has become a more prominent issue after Donald Rumsfeld’s visit to Iraq several weeks ago, when he was confronted on it by a soldier. I read about this issue well before the Rumsfeld event– soldiers and their families had been complaining about this for a while, to little avail. What’s really going on? How do soldiers feel about all this, and why do you think the government has been so neglectful?

The lack of armor continues to be a problem that soldiers are paying for with their lives and limbs. It all goes back to this administration only listening to people that tell it what it wants to hear. Like Ahmed Chalabi’s continuing assertions that Americans would be greeted as if they had just liberated Paris. Part of it was wanting to keep the already ridiculous cost of this war down. Part of it was wanting to make sure as much money as possible went directly to corporations. Part of it was this administration sticking its head in the sand. To this day they still have not admitted or addressed the total lack of pre war, post war, and exit strategy planning. Truthfully, this administration never wanted an exit strategy. A long occupation of Iraq had been planned from the get go. This administration has already drawn up plans to occupy Iraq that go beyond the summer of 2006.

About a week after the story broke, one of the companies that makes the armor came forward and said that they hadn’t even been asked to increase production. As I said, this administration and the American public largely don’t care, they don’t have kids in Iraq facing RPG’s with plywood armor. When the draft returns it will be interesting to compare how well soldiers are equipped then to how they were pre-draft. I have included some pictures detailing the problem. My unit of 4,000 people rolled into Iraq with between 75{cd9ac3671b356cd86fdb96f1eda7eb3bb1367f54cff58cc36abbd73c33c82e1d} to 90{cd9ac3671b356cd86fdb96f1eda7eb3bb1367f54cff58cc36abbd73c33c82e1d} of our vehicles unarmored. To give you a rough idea of the number, it would be in the range of 500 to 700.

Once inside Iraq we slowly started to receive armored doors only for our vehicles. Even when I left after 8 months in Iraq we still had vehicles that were unarmored. My brigade lost its first soldier during the drive north from Kuwait. He was in an unarmored vehicle that was hit by a roadside bomb. My camp had a soldier lose part of his arm from riding in an unarmored vehicle that was hit by a roadside bomb. His arm was saved and after numerous surgeries he was told it would be a year before he would get most movement and sensation in his arm back. Situations like these are repeated daily through out Iraq.

You said “when the draft returns”. You think that this will happen? What are your thoughts on it?

I don’t have a doubt in my mind that the draft will return. The general that runs the Army Reserve wrote a memo, which was subsequently leaked to the media, in which he described the Army Reserve as “a broken force”. The numbers that the National Guard and Reserve have on paper don’t add up. They are in a position now where they can no longer hide the problem. In the memo the general describes having 46,500 members on the books who are either untrained or unaccounted for. This makes no mention of the number on stop loss, non deployable due to illness or injury, and those awaiting discharge. I see the draft returning in the next two to three years, perhaps sooner.

The recruiting and retention problems the National Guard and Reserve have had over the years are only exacerbated by the situation in Iraq. The frequent call ups, lack of equipment that I described, and the lack of benefits when you compare what the full time military receives for the same work only serve to force people out. It reaches a point where it’s clearly not worth it. I was called to active duty for two years in a three year period. Each time I had to leave school, leave my job, and leave my wife. And for what? Like I said earlier, having to put your life on hold repeatedly for no good reason gets old pretty quick. The National Guard and Reserve will begin to dwindle in the next few years and it’s impossible to continue these types of occupations without them. The draft isn’t a question of “if”, it’s a question of “when”. We passed the “if” time frame a long time ago.

What about the relationship between US soldiers and Iraqis? From your experience, what type of relationship exists? How were you and your fellow soldiers told to deal with people?

Most Iraqi’s are not overtly confrontational with American soldiers. However, if you engage them in conversation and ask their opinion (as I often did) they will not hesitate to tell you that you are not wanted in Iraq by anyone. After the WMD story turned out to be a hoax the war was then sold as a humanitarian mission. Shortly after arriving in Iraq we were instructed that we could not treat Iraqi’s unless they were in danger of losing life or limb. Basically, the local nationals had to be in danger of dying before we could treat them. This was the official guidance that we received in writing, repeatedly, from way up the chain of command. The excuses ranged from not having the money/supplies to wanting the Iraqi’s to get used to using their own healthcare infrastructure. Why were we there then? It was little things like this that served to quickly turn our opinion about what this war was really about.

Most of the sentiment voiced publicly by the local nationals all focused on the same few ideas. The war was sold to them as a way to get rid of Saddam, which they favored. But, it quickly became evident that that’s not what this war was really about. They were lied to by this administration too. They are now being occupied and they know the war is all about oil. Not only are they being occupied, but they still have no security. I was told again and again that at least under Saddam they didn’t have roadside bombs littering the country and gangs of insurgents roving and ravaging the country with impunity. Again, I could talk about this for hours. I will leave my contact information (eosonifilic@aol.com) and people can contact me with individual questions and/or requests to speak about my opinions and experiences in Iraq.

One thing that doesn’t get enough honest attention is the number of soldiers wounded in Iraq, and what this really means. So far, well over 10,000 soldiers have been “wounded”. You worked as a medic, so you have a good idea of what this means.

One thing I want to make absolutely clear is my skepticism that this number is anywhere near accurate. An injury can be anything from eardrums ruptured in an explosion, gunshot wounds, shrapnel injuries, blast injuries, and on and on. Obviously, this number makes no accounting for those that are mentally traumatized by what they have seen, and the numbers that have substance abuse problems or even end up taking their own lives. Just as in Vietnam it will take years before the true effects of this conflict are known. They will continue to manifest themselves in increasing numbers of individuals as more people return home. Or more importantly, return home for the second or third time from Iraq. The VA was under manned and under funded well before September 11th, and is simply not equipped to deal with what is coming in the next few years.

This interview is going to be read both by soldiers and civilians who support what you are doing– speaking out against the war and occupation– and by people who strongly oppose your actions. One of the arguments that your would-be opponents have is that antiwar soldiers joined the military with the knowledge that they might have to go to war even if they strongly disagreed with it– you signed on for the job, and so you should stop complaining. This argument has come up a lot, and as the antiwar veteran and GI movement grows, it will surely go on. What’s your response?

This war was sold to the American public the exact same way that Vietnam was. It’s the same domino theory, except instead of stopping the spread of communism we’re spreading democracy. Yeah, right. Vietnam somehow posed a threat to the US, much as Iraq somehow did. A quick history lesson if I may– Iraq was involved in a brutal trench war with Iran from 1980-1988. Then the Persian Gulf War in 1991 was followed by twelve years of crippling sanctions and pretty regular bombing. A threat? Hardly. Vietnam had Agent Orange, Iraq has depleted uranium. Vietnam veterans returned and were not cared for properly by the VA; it’s already happening to Iraq veterans. The only thing missing is the draft, and it won’t be for much longer.

It’s always those with the least to lose that speak out the loudest and beat their chests the hardest. You clearly saw that during the run up to this war, the initial invasion, and it continues to this day. We stayed the course in Vietnam until 58,000 US soldiers were dead, countless others were scarred for life, and three million Southeast Asians were dead. I don’t hear too many people still preaching about our virtuous rationale for invading that country. Sadly, the draft is what ended Vietnam and I think it is the only thing that will end this war. While the American public seems to sleep fine at night while other’s children are killed in Iraq, I doubt they will sleep as soundly when they are their own.

When I joined the military I took an oath that I took seriously. I just wish that my elected officials took it as seriously as I did. But, why should they? Few if any of them have ever taken it before themselves. In my oath I swore to defend the Constitution and the people of America, clearly that is not what I did in Iraq. In fact, if the Constitution needs defending anywhere it is in Washington, DC.

No one in the military signs up to die for nothing, I know I surely didn’t. Soldiers aren’t assembled at the Pentagon, they are real people with real families. Most come from poor and working class families and I believe that has something to do with the public’s sick view that the life of a soldier is worth inherently less than the life of an average American citizen.

If you’re going to commit hundreds of thousands of troops for something this ridiculous, at least equip them so they have a fighting chance of surviving and keeping all of their limbs. Supporting our troops? Hardly. Let me break it down for you real easy: most of the kids dying in Iraq, and they are kids, are between 18 and 22. These kids will never go to college, never get married, never have kids, never have grandchildren, never retire, and never get to enjoy life. They leave behind children that will never know their fathers and widows that will never know peace.

Too many people have suffered way too much already. I will continue to speak out until the last soldier leaves Iraq and the last veteran gets the care they are owed. Not another Vietnam.

What made you decide to become active in opposing the war and occupation?

I think this will be my shortest answer. I don’t want to see anymore of my fellow soldiers get killed, get maimed, or be mentally traumatized for nothing. I don’t want to see anymore Iraqi civilians get killed or injured for nothing. This administration is just creating a new generation of insurgents. Mostly, I want to point out what our soldiers are being asked to do over there and how they are being asked to do it. I want to make it clear to the public that they aren’t getting the full scope of what’s going on in Iraq. Most of the reporters in Iraq are scared to leave the large camps they’re in. They only report what they see from the camps or what the military reports to them. None of the attacks in my area where ever reported.

Can you briefly tell us about the organization your involved with, Iraq Veterans Against the War? Is the group growing? What type of activities do you do, and do you have any new future plans?

Iraq Veterans Against the War is a group of people who have been in Iraq since the current war began. The group is growing and in the process of setting up local chapters through out the country. The main focus of the group is to end the occupation of Iraq and make sure that the veterans of the conflict receive the care that they were promised and have earned. My main focus will be doing as many public speaking events as I can to get our message out to the public. I invite people to check out the web site, [OVER HERE] www.ivaw.net

There’s an organization of military family members who oppose the war and occupation, Military Families Speak Out (www.mfso.org). How has this group helped or affected you, and why do you think it’s important?

My wife was involved with MFSO while I was in Iraq. They are actually the way that I first heard of IVAW. I think they are extremely important because they put a human face on what is happening in Iraq. They also point out that military members and families are not being taken care of the way they should be. Supporting our troops means a lot more than buying a $2 yellow magnet for your car and waving the flag. It means demanding answers and holding people accountable.

I want to finish up by asking you the same questions I asked Jim Talib, another antiwar vet I recently interviewed. What kind of role do you think antiwar soldiers and veterans can play in the broader antiwar movement? What can antiwar civilians and soldiers/vets do to build a healthy relationship, and how can the civilian antiwar movement make itself more welcoming to soldiers who want to speak out against the war and occupation?

I think that obviously as veterans of this war we are the most qualified to speak out about the conditions in Iraq. We were in Iraq and we lived it. We were at places other than the hand picked sites that reporters and Congressmen are shown. We talked to lots of soldiers and not just those that pre rehearsed interviews so they’d tell the media what the military and this administration wants the public to hear. We let the public know that lots of soldiers don’t agree with this war. They don’t agree with the reasons that this war was sold on, the lack of equipment, the lack of planning, and the continuing lies about conditions in Iraq put forth by this administration.

The second part of the question is harder to answer. Personally, I’m not a pacifist and I’ve never felt I belong in the various peace groups. I’m just a veteran who understands all too well the sacrifices that are made. I can’t sit and let it continue. Too many soldiers have suffered and will continue to suffer for years to come. Most of us just want to end this suffering.

I can’t tell you how many times I’m asked ridiculous questions about Iraq. If a veteran wants to speak about the war they will, when they are ready and able to do so. The public can’t possibly ever imagine what some people go through in Iraq. Start by just introducing yourself and thanking them for coming out just like you would anyone else. A lot of veterans will never speak out against the war because they can be punished for doing so under military law. Other veterans don’t want to admit that friends or family have been injured or even given their lives in an unnecessary war. They simply don’t want to see it and will never admit it. I think that it is these veterans that have it the hardest.

Patrick Resta can be reached at eosonifilic@aol.com. The website for Iraq Veterans Against the War is www.ivaw.net.

Derek Seidman is co-editor of Left Hook www.lefthook.org. He lives in Providence, Rhode Island, and can be contacted at derekseidman@yahoo.com

Media Training Now Required for Iraq-Bound Soldiers

NEW YORK As the U.S. military approaches nearly two years in the Iraq conflict, media training for soldiers going into the war zone has been stepped up, becoming mandatory for Army troops since October, E&P has learned.

“Talking point” cards for military personnel, meanwhile, are being updated regularly as the war progresses — often as much as once a week — to keep up with the conflict’s changing issues and the proximity of embedded reporters. Among the current talking points: “We are a values-based, people-focused team that strives to uphold the dignity and respect of all.”

Soldiers preparing for deployment in hostile or critical areas have received some kind of media training in handling press inquiries since as far back as the first Persian Gulf War, according to several military press officers. Such training has also included pocket cards with suggested talking points for the combatants, which advise them how best to promote the military operation and avoid awkward or confrontational interviews.

“As situations happen, you will have ever-changing talking points, as much as every week,” said Capt. Jeff Landis, a Marine Corps public-affairs spokesman. “They are tailored to the situation.”

The media training consists of one or two hours of briefings by public-affairs specialists from the Defense Information School at Fort Meade, Md. In the past, such training was provided only to those Army units who requested it, according to Sgt. Don Dees, an Army spokesman based at the Baghdad press center. But, since October, it has become a mandatory requirement for all deploying Army troops.

“The Army just recently made it a common soldier task; it is one of the requirements they go through,” Dees said. “It is in our best interest to provide them that training.”

While the Marine Corps has made such training a requirement for years, it has taken on more importance in recent months as well. “There is more heightened awareness with this particular conflict,” Capt. Landis told E&P, referring to the Iraq operation. “It has taken a higher priority.”

During training, soldiers are urged to speak with the press as a way of promoting the positive elements of the operation, but not to lie or speak about issues with which they are not familiar.

“It is a standard part of deployment preparation,” said Lt. Col. Gerard Healy, an Army spokesman based at the Pentagon.

Lt. Col. Barry Venable, a Department of Defense spokesman, compared it to any other basic training. “It is a common task, much like firing your rifle,” he said. “It has emerged over the past 10 years as a necessary skill.”

The News & Observer of Raleigh, N.C., noted this week that the first talking point in a slide show for troops at Fort Bragg was: “We are not an occupying force.”

A list of “wallet-card” talking points given to a group of Marines heading to Iraq, obtained by that newspaper, included:

• The Marine Corps is trained, resourced, and ready to accomplish its missions. We are committed to the cause and will remain in Iraq as long as we are needed.
• The fight in Iraq is tough, but we will remain steadfast and not lose heart.
• We are moving forward together with the Iraqi government as partners in building a future for the sons and daughters of Iraq.
• Coalition forces will help our Iraqi partners as they build their new and independent country and take their rightful place in the world community.
• Our troopers and their families are our greatest and most treasured resource.
• The Corps is a national institution — it has never failed to do the will of the American people.

In media training, meanwhile, soldiers are advised not to discuss classified information, to confine comments to their area of knowledge, and to stay on the record. Other advice includes talking to the interviewer, not the camera; avoiding acronyms, profanity, or a “no comment”; and not arguing or answering a question they do not want to answer.

But not everyone is supportive of the military’s media preparation. Sig Christenson, president of Military Reporters and Editors, said most of the advice is good common sense, but he said some of the talking points could lead soldiers to misrepresent the situation or even lie.

Christenson, a military-affairs writer at the San Antonio Express-News, cited the talking point about the military units being “trained, resourced, and ready.” “What if it is untrue?” he asked, pointing to the recent questioning of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld by a soldier about a lack of armored protection for vehicles. “If that isn’t the truth, they should make it clear that the soldiers and Marines should say so.”

He also objected to having soldiers always provide a positive outlook. “If they are being told to find a way to talk about the positive, they are not talking about facts,” Christenson said. He also called the suggestion to avoid acronyms or profanity “public-relations silliness.”

Capt. Landis responded to such criticism by defending the promotion of positive aspect, but stressing that no one was being asked to lie. “These are not for use for propaganda means,” he told E&P. “They are the truth.”

Joe Strupp (jstrupp@editorandpublisher.com) is a senior editor at E&P.

Thirty Percent of Iraq War Veterans May Need Psychiatric Care

The nation’s military system is quietly preparing for one of its toughest missions in decades: ensuring that soldiers who return from Iraq get the help they need to deal with the stress and horrors of war.

Military officials and mental health providers predict that up to 30 percent of returning soldiers will require psychiatric services — a number not seen since the end of the Vietnam War.

And, after several years of double-digit increases in federal funds for veterans health care, the 2005 inflation-adjusted budget is only 1.5 percent higher than last year’s.

“The system is tremendously challenged,” said Fred Gusman, who founded the nation’s first combat stress center in 1977 and is director of the Department of Veterans Affairs’ National Center for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Menlo Park.

In coming months and years, new combat veterans will struggle to adjust to life back home, to go from leading troops to managing a family, from trusting no one to confiding in someone.

There are returning soldiers who feel weakened, off balance. New veterans may go out of their way to avoid crowds. They may drive through red lights, because stopping in Iraq meant potential ambush. Most soldiers will quickly regain their footing, but others will need help, some for a lifetime. All will need time and understanding, experts say.

Gusman, who is a Vietnam veteran, said the nation should feel a deep responsibility to “those who gave their all and now might need our all.”

The Pentagon estimates that as many as 100,000 new combat veterans nationwide will suffer from mental issues ranging from depression and anxiety to the more debilitating post-traumatic stress disorder, characterized by angry outbursts, flashbacks, nightmares and hypervigilance. An estimated 900 service members have been evacuated from Iraq since the start of war due to psychological problems, according to the Defense Department.

Military hospitals and clinics will be challenged, as will the families and communities of returning soldiers.

“You can’t be in a war zone and not need readjustment when you come home, ” said Kuuipo Ordway, a trauma specialist with the Concord Vet Center.

“When they get into a combat arena, they are in a survival mode,” said Ordway, who since October 2003 has met with soldiers returning from Iraq. “The neurons in the soldier’s brain shift. When they’re in a war, the soldier has to hear and smell and do everything better. They repress a lot, but their memory is keeping track.”

Jack Stowe spent a year in Iraq, returning home May 1, 2004. Stowe, a member of a National Guard transportation unit out of San Bruno, was the commander of a company that provided convoy escorts to Army trucks around Baghdad, Tikrit and Mosul. His unit constantly came under fire from insurgents and navigated roads sometimes rigged with improvised explosive devices.

When he returned, his family was thrilled to have him home and the company where he worked installing alarms welcomed him back.

He thought he was fine. He was alive. He had all of his limbs. He was lucky, he told himself.

Soon, though, the problems began. He had nightmares. He felt numb. He couldn’t connect with his wife, daughters, or sisters. Driving to work, he would see a pile of dirt on the freeway and swerve. A bump in the asphalt made him picture insurgents setting a trap.

“Over there, you do your job, you keep feelings to yourself,” said Stowe, 37, who lives in Antioch. “You have to show you are a good leader. If you show fear, your troops will reflect that. I needed to power up to be who the Army put me in the position to be. When I got back, I just shut down.”

Katie Stowe recalls a party on the Fourth of July. Her husband’s sisters were there, as were members of her family. Kids ran around. Everyone was having fun.

“Jack couldn’t even be in the same room with the group,” Katie Stowe said. “I was kind of keeping an eye out for him. I can only imagine what it’s like trying to kill anyone who tries to kill you, being in this mode of always watching and fearing and living in dirt and sand and then coming home and you’re supposed to mow the lawn.”

She says that her husband’s numbness finally led to a call for help. “Jack was scared something was seriously wrong with him. He didn’t want me to tell anyone. He was initially very embarrassed. He said, ‘I didn’t lose a leg. I didn’t lose an arm. Why should I need help?’ ”

Since that point, the two have attended therapy and counseling sessions at the Concord Vet Center. Katie Stowe says her husband is getting better. The nightmares and night sweats persist but seem less intense.

“Jack finally told another soldier he was going to get help and the other soldier said, ‘Oh, so am I and so is so and so.’ ”

The plight of soldiers who survive war but suffer from its memories is not new. The psychological wounds have been chronicled from ancient Greece to World War II, from Vietnam to the first Gulf War. Names given to the mental traumas afflicting soldiers have included “Soldier’s heart,” during the Civil War, and “battle fatigue,” during World War II. The term post-traumatic stress disorder came about in 1985 and was used to describe the tens of thousands of struggling Vietnam veterans.

The military’s mental health system is taking steps to reduce or avert the psychological wounds of war. Soldiers are screened for psychological problems before and after deployment. Unlike in past wars, the military now has combat stress specialists in the war zone.

Sandy Moreno, a psychiatric technician who spent a year in Iraq, worked with troops in the field. She is an Army reservist who was a part of the 113th combat stress company out of Southern California.

“We dealt with a lot of home front issues,” said Moreno, who now works at a veterans center in Sacramento. “We did debriefings with people who had been in critical situations, such as when a unit got ambushed or a unit member was killed.”

She said one of the toughest things for soldiers in Iraq is the reality that there is no safety zone.

“You don’t trust anyone when you’re over there. You live by the idea that you can deal with anything, handle anything.”

Stephen Robinson, a 20-year Army veteran who is now executive director of the National Gulf War Resource Center, an advocacy group, said: “I know for a fact that the military health care system is ill prepared to deal with the psychological impact of war.”

A study published in July in the New England Journal of Medicine indicated that roughly one in six soldiers returning from the war in Iraq will need psychological counseling as a result of wartime service. Robinson believes the number will rise to one in three.

Jimmy Norris, the chief financial officer for the Department of Veterans Affairs health care system, said in an interview that the federal budget for veterans health care this year is around $30 billion — a 1.5 percent inflation-adjusted increase over 2004.

“Last year there was no anxiety over the budget,” Norris said. “We had a 10 percent year-to-year increase. That was feast time. This year we will be challenged.The bottom line is that we will continue to provide the highest quality of care for veterans. We won’t compromise that.”

Newly returned veteran Antonio Hernandez, who is 35 and lives in San Jose, said he is coping with the night and day changes in his life. He says he is not in treatment, but wouldn’t resist if he began having problems.

Hernandez, an Army reservist who spent 16 months in Iraq, was always on guard. Every day, every night, there was danger. As a convoy escort, he came under constant fire.

Now he manages a Hollywood Video store.

“I do feel lucky to be home,” he said. “But I never get rid of the gory images. I lost my ability to trust. You see cute kids coming at you in Iraq. That could be a decoy. The same with women in their burkas. My kids and wife will never understand what I went through. I’m in my homeland, but I perceive life differently. Every day, there is something that reminds me of what I have been through.”

E-mail Julian Guthrie at jguthrie@sfchronicle.com

Social Security needs to take a back seat to national security

The most important element in war is the soldier. Everything and everyone else must play second fiddle to the guy on the ground who digs the enemy out with the point of his bayonet. This remained the case in the Cold War missile age, and – like it or not – it’s even more so in the nasty hit-and-run fights of today and those down the terrorist track.

Because of “shock and awe,” Napoleon’s time-honored principle “God is on the side of the strongest battalion” no longer applies in conventional war. But it sure relates to the wars of insurgency our grunts are presently engaged in around the globe.

And here’s the rub: The Marines and the Army are stretched well beyond the breaking point – we simply don’t have enough mud soldiers in the ready rack to win these crucial ground campaigns. Without immediate relief, I worry that we’ll soon see a replay of what went down during the Vietnam War: Many of our top soldiers will hang up their rifles and hit civvy street – where the chances of living longer and easier come with the territory, and spouses are infinitely happier because they’re not sweating out every knock on the front door.

If this situation isn’t fixed ASAP, it could result in the finest professional ground force – active duty and Reserve – this nation has ever mustered becoming a mirror of the disenchanted, drugged-out, late Vietnam War crew that was more into fragging officers and smoking dope than fighting the VC.

The brass must deep-six conventional thinking and organize appropriately for the war at hand with Islamic radicals that will probably drag on for decades. Both the Marine and Army active duty need at least a 20 percent immediate increase, bringing the Marines to 200,000 and the Army to 600,000. Not only do our armed forces have to gear up for the long haul, more Special Forces groups are needed as well. And more sweat on the training field must become standard operating procedure rather than the kinder, gentler drill that Army recruits are now served to maintain the low attrition that ultimately raises the casualty rate on the battlefield.

The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have also broken the Army Reserve and National Guard. More than one-fourth of the troops serving in these theaters are part-time soldiers – many serving a second tour, and some looking hard at tour No. 3.

Yes, these needed changes will cost billions of dollars more per year, but not to worry. If the irrelevant gold-plated Cold War weapons systems – such as obsolete multibillion-dollar ships and trillion-dollar fleets of fighter aircraft designed to shoot down the Soviets, who went down in flames years ago, plus the Marines’ flying albatross, the V-22 hybrid helicopter-airplane, which after more than 20 years of costly development does only two things well: crash and burn – were all canceled, the Pentagon could easily pay for the new boots on the ground from its own hide. And the only losers would be the weapons merchants themselves and the self-serving politicians who have their hands in their friendly local war racketeers’ pockets.

Lt. Gen. James R. Helmly, chief of the Army Reserve, recently stood tall and blasted the Pentagon for its “dysfunctional policies.” He said his 200,000-man unit of part-time soldiers is “rapidly degenerating into a broken force.”

Enlistment and re-enlistment in these two important reserve elements are falling off the charts. Helmly said his Reserve Command is being placed in “grave danger” of not being able to meet future missions and, if nothing’s done, soon won’t be able to meet “requirements.”

Today, the regular Army has about 100,000 nondeployables out of a 500,000-man regular force. The Reserves and Guard dud ratios are even higher. Any civilian corporation that allowed too many slackers, deadwood and deadbeats would belly-up. Since pregnancy, disability and too many single spouses with kids who cannot deploy are a large part of this problem, the Army needs to understand once and for all that we’re at war and can no longer afford the luxury of social experiments.

While Congress studies long-range problems like Social Security, the force that defends America is going down the drain. It’s about time that body got its priorities straight and paid more attention to a higher security – our national security!

Why My Brother Died: After two years, the government has called off its fruitless hunt for Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq

This week, the White House announced, with little fanfare, that the two-year search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq had finally ended, and it acknowledged that no such weapons existed there at the time of the U.S. invasion in 2003.

For many, this may be a story of only passing interest. But for me and my family, it resonates with profound depth.

My brother was Sgt. Sherwood Baker. He was a member of the Pennsylvania National Guard deployed a year ago with his unit out of Wilkes-Barre. He said goodbye to his wife and his 9-year-old son, boarded a bus and went to Ft. Dix, N.J., to be hastily retrained. His seven years of Guard training as a forward observer was practically worthless because he would not face combat. All he needed to do was learn how to not die.

He received a crash course in convoy security, including practice in running over cardboard cutouts of children. We bought him a GPS unit and walkie-talkies because he wasn’t supplied with them. In Iraq, Sherwood was assigned to the Iraq Survey Group and joined the search for weapons of mass destruction.

David Kay, who led the group until January 2004, had already stated that they did not exist. Former United Nations weapons inspector Hans Blix had expressed serious doubts about their presence during prewar inspections. In fact, a cadre of former U.N. inspectors and U.S. generals had been saying for years that Iraq posed no threat to our country. On April 26, 2004, the Iraq Survey Group, at the behest of the stubborn administration sitting safely in office buildings in Washington, was still on its fruitless but dangerous search. My brother stood atop his Humvee, securing the perimeter in front of a suspect building in Baghdad. But as soldiers entered the building, it exploded; the official cause is still not known. Sherwood was struck by debris in the back of his head and neck, and he was killed.

Since that day, my family and I have lived with the grief of losing a loved one. We have struggled to explain his death to his son. We have gazed at the shards of life scattered at our feet, in wonder of its fragility, in perpetual catharsis with God.

I have moved from frustration to disappointment to anger. And now I have arrived at a place not of understanding but of hope — blind hope that this will change.

The Iraq Survey Group’s final report, which was filed in October but revealed only on Wednesday, confirmed what we knew all along. And as my mother cried in the kitchen, the nation barely blinked.

I am left now with a single word seared into my consciousness: accountability. The chance to hold our administration’s feet to that flame has passed. But what of our citizenry? We are the ones who truly failed. We shut down our ability to think critically, to listen, to converse and to act. We are to blame.

Even with every prewar assumption having been proved false, today more than 130,000 U.S. soldiers are trying to stay alive in a foreign desert with no clear mission at hand.

At home, the sidelines are overcrowded with patriots. These Americans cower from the fight they instigated in Iraq. In a time of war and record budget deficits, many are loath to even pay their taxes. In the end, however, it is not their family members who are at risk, and they do not sit up at night pleading with fate to spare them.

Change is vital. We must remind ourselves that the war with Iraq was not a mistake but rather a flagrant abuse of power by our leaders — and a case of shameful negligence by the rest of us for letting it happen. The consequence is more than a quagmire. The consequence is the death of our national treasure — our soldiers.

We are all accountable. We all share the responsibility of what has been destroyed in our name. Let us begin to right the wrongs we have done to our country by accepting that responsibility.

Dante Zappala is a part-time teacher in Los Angeles. E-mail: dante.zappala@lycos.com

Iraq War Veteran Refuses 2nd Iraq Deployment

SAVANNAH, Ga. (AP) — A mechanic with nine years in the Army, including a role in the assault on Baghdad, has refused to return to Iraq, claiming “you just don’t know how bad it is.”

Sgt. Kevin Benderman, 40, said he became morally opposed to war after seeing it firsthand during his first Iraq tour. Now he faces a possible court-martial after failing to deploy Friday with his unit.

“I told them that I refused deployment because I just couldn’t go back over there,” Benderman said Wednesday. “If I’m going to sit up there and tell everyone that I do not believe in war, why would I go back to a war zone?”

Lt. Col. Cliff Kent, a Fort Stewart spokesman, said Benderman was being considered absent without leave because he had orders to deploy to Iraq while the Army processed his conscientious objector claim.

“He was AWOL from the unit’s movement,” Kent said. “Beginning the application process for conscientious objection does not preclude you from deploying.”

Benderman has been reassigned to a rear detachment unit at Fort Stewart while his case is processed, Kent said. Kent said the Army has not decided whether to bring charges against him.

Gaining objector status is a time-consuming process for soldiers, requiring meetings with counselors and a chaplain with lengthy paperwork reviewed far up the chain of command. Under military law, a person must be opposed to war in all forms to be considered a conscientious objector.

“If a person said, `I’m not opposed to war, but I’m opposed to the Iraq war,’ they would not qualify,” said Louis Hiken, an attorney with the Military Law Task Force of the National Lawyers Guild.

Filing an objector claim does not prevent the Army from prosecuting soldiers for disobeying orders.

In May, a Fort Stewart court-martial sentenced Staff Sgt. Camilo Mejia of the Florida National Guard to a year in prison for desertion despite his pending objector application. Mejia filed his claim after refusing to return to his unit in Iraq while home on leave.

In December, a soldier who re-enlisted with the Marines after becoming a Seventh-Day Adventist was jailed for refusing to pick up a gun. Cpl. Joel D. Klimkewicz, 24, of Birch Run, Mich., told his superiors he was a conscientious objector and cited his new religious status. It was rejected in March 2004.

Benderman served in Iraq from March to September 2003 with the 4th Infantry Division based at Fort Hood, Texas. When he later transferred to the 3rd Infantry at Fort Stewart, Benderman said, he was already questioning the morality of the destruction he had witnessed.

“You can sit around your house and discuss this thing in abstract terms, but until you see and experience it for yourself, you just don’t know how bad it is,” he said. “How is it an honorable thing to teach a kid how to look through the sights of a rifle and kill another human being? War is the ultimate in violence and it is indiscriminate.”

Asked why he waited until a week before his unit deployed to file notice of his objector claim, Benderman said, “It takes time for you to make sure that you 100 percent want to do things. This is not something you make a snap judgment on.”

Marine’s parents meet Ceres police

CERES — Andres Raya’s parents prayed Tuesday morning in the liquor store parking lot where, 36 hours earlier, their Marine son shot and killed a police officer and wounded another.

A law enforcement spokesman said officer Sam Ryno’s condition had improved from critical to serious. Sgt. Howard Stevenson was the officer who was killed.

Tuesday night, more than 200 people gathered for a town hall meeting where Stanislaus County sheriff’s Lt. Bill Heyne said authorities had yet to establish a motive for Raya’s rampage, but added they do know “he wanted to die, he didn’t want to go back to Iraq.”

Because of rain, Raya’s parents decided not to walk from the liquor store to the alley where police shot and killed their 19-year-old son in an exchange of gunfire Sunday night.

From the liquor store, the family went to a meeting with Ceres police. Raya’s parents wanted to clear the air about their son’s alleged gang ties, said Rosie Alvarez, Raya’s cousin. And, Alvarez said, Raya’s parents wanted to “begin the healing process.”

Police declined to talk about the meeting. Alvarez described it as “emotional” and “tense” as both sides sought to understand why an Iraq war veteran would gun down police officers after apparently luring them to the liquor store.

It happened just after 8 p.m. Sunday in front of George’s Liquors on Caswell Avenue. Raya had asked liquor store employees to call police, saying someone had shot at him.

Surveillance video shows Raya pacing as he waited for police. He pulled a rifle from under his poncho and shot Ryno, then fired at Stevenson.

The slain officer was 39 and a 20-year veteran of the Ceres Police Department.

Ryno, 50, remained hospitalized at Memorial Medical Center in Modesto. Tuesday, he was talking to fellow police officers as well as family members.

Graffiti at crime scene

Tuesday morning, Raya’s family attended Mass before going to George’s Liquors and the next-door tire shop, still riddled with bullet holes.

Spray-painted graffiti, much of it anti-police, appeared on both businesses and the supermarket across the street overnight, said deputy Jason Woodman, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Department.

“There will always be people who will take advantage of an opportunity to benefit themselves and there are always going to be people opposed to law enforcement,” Woodman said.

The Rev. Dean McFalls, who formerly served at St. Jude’s Catholic Church in Ceres and is a friend of the Raya family, called the graffiti “despicable” and said it devastated the family.

“It was really, really hard to see that,” said McFalls, who went to the liquor store parking lot with the family. “There is absolutely no excuse to do something like that.”

Much of the graffiti had been painted over by midday. Among the remaining graffiti was a statement that simply read: “RIP Andy,” the name Raya often was called by friends.

At the Police Department later that morning, a makeshift memorial grew as people dropped off flowers and photos of the two officers.

Alvarez, Raya’s cousin, said police suspected Raya had gang affiliations, based on his tattoos. She acknowledged that she had not seen the tattoos, but said other family members told her that the tattoos signified “Latino and Chicano pride.”

“It was a display of honor for our culture,” she said. “He was not a banger. That just wasn’t him.”

Raya’s parents said Monday that their son, when he came home for Christmas and New Year’s, indicated that he did not want to go back to Iraq.

He served there for seven months, returning to the states in September, according to his family. They said he served in Fallujah.

A family member who asked not to be identified said Raya’s parents never allowed guns in their home, so it was unlikely that Raya had owned the assault rifle used in the shooting for very long.

It was not a Marine-issued weapon, authorities said.

Raya used an SKS assault rifle, and it had been illegally modified with a detachable magazine, said Woodman.

He said investigators were trying to determine where Raya had obtained the weapon and could not rule out that he had an accomplice.

“We’re talking to people he knew, we’re talking about anything that turns up,” Woodman said. “But so far we don’t know much.”

In an e-mail, a man identifying himself as a Marine and longtime friend of Raya’s, said Raya could not have hidden the rifle at Camp Pendleton, because military police often do random checks of barracks.

The e-mailer, who asked not to be identified, said Raya served as a motor vehicle operator. And he seemed to change during his time in the Marines.

“Before he joined, he was very motivated,” the e-mail stated. “The first time I saw him back (from Iraq), he wasn’t so motivated. He cracked negative jokes about people who were serious. … He was negative towards the Marines. He still seemed like the same guy, he just had a hard time.”

Bee staff writer Joel Hood can be reached at 238-4574 or jhood@modbee.com.

AT A GLANCE

FLAGS LOWERED: Gov. Schwarzenegger on Tuesday ordered flags at the Capitol to be flown at half-staff in honor of Howard Stevenson, the Ceres police sergeant shot and killed in the line of duty Sunday night. “Law enforcement officers risk their lives on a daily basis to ensure our safety and wellbeing,” the governor said in a prepared statement. “The bravery in the line of duty that officer Stevenson exhibited will not be forgotten, and his courage, commitment and ultimate sacrifice to make California a safer place are deeply appreciated. Maria and I would like to send our condolences to the family and loved ones of officer Stevenson during this time of mourning.”

BLOOD DRIVE: The Ceres Police Department is urging people to donate blood in the name of officer Sam Ryno, who was wounded in the same gunfight that claimed Sg. Howard Stevenson’s life. An account is set up at Delta Blood Bank and people can donate at branches in Ceres, Modesto and Turlock. For more information, including hours, call 538-5990.

TRIBUTES: The Stanislaus County Board of Supervisors opened its Tuesday morning meeting with a moment of silence for slain Ceres police Sgt. Howard Stevenson and wounded officer Sam Ryno. Tuesday night, just before adjourning the Modesto City Council meeting, Mayor Jim Ridenour asked everyone in the chamber to stand for a moment of silence in Stevenson’s memory. The Turlock City Council called for a moment of silence for Stevenson. Also, police Chaplain Richard Roberts, in giving the invocation that started the Turlock meeting, prayed for Stevenson and Ryno and the Ceres community.