Veterans for Common Sense

Emotional toll can weigh heavy on a soldier’s mind

“Hateful.”

That’s the word Lois Edwards uses to describe her husband’s behavior when he returned home from Iraq.

A member of the Franklin-based 210th Military Police, Specialist Corey Edwards spent a total of seven months in Iraq with his unit, returning last June.

“When he came back, to be honest, he was hateful – very hateful,” Lois said. “Everybody kept telling him that he was being hateful, but he couldn’t see it.”

Corey, a Marine during the Gulf War in 1990 and ’91, says his most recent experience in Iraq was more grueling in some ways. It left him dealing with emotional turmoil months later, a common side-effect of combat, one that is every bit as prevalent as torn flesh and amputated limbs.

His Humvee got hit by a roadside bomb April 5, 2004. He suffered some hearing loss and was banged up, but he returned to Iraq to finish his tour.

When he came home to Western North Carolina, Edwards was always looking over his shoulder, always brusque, on edge and ornery.

“He couldn’t understand why he should be here,” Lois Edwards said. “He thought he should’ve been blown up that day. It really messed with his mind, bad.”

Corey found the emotional toll of combat nearly ruined his marriage.

“I’ll be honest, I was on the verge of eruption,” he said. “I had to open up, to basically try to get some control over what was happening to me.”

He knows he still has a ways to go, but he feels like he’s gotten control over his life again. His wife has been his “best friend” and a great listener through it all.

It’s absolutely crucial to get those feelings out, says John Cowart, a licensed clinical social worker at the VA Medical Center in east Asheville who has worked on the post- traumatic stress disorder clinical team for 24 years.

“Men coming home from war always experience some problems reentering life with their families and communities,” Cowart said. “The main problem they all feel is that they just don’t fit in.”

The type of combat in Iraq is particularly insidious, Cowart says, because “basically you never know when it’s going to happen. You’re constantly keyed up, and that’s a recipe for PTSD.”

Edwards says soldiers in Iraq know what their mission is.

“But when you go out on your mission, you don’t know who your enemy is,” he said. “The guy standing next to the road could be your enemy. The prime example is when we got hit by the roadside bomb. At that time there were a bunch of schoolkids off to the side of the road about 30 meters, and there was one man amongst them. I swear up and down he had some type of detonator radio or cell phone. It’s just those kind of things that stick with you.”

Those with PTSD often are emotionally distant, and they avoid thoughts, feelings or conversations that lead to remembering the trauma. Often they have recurring, intrusive recollections of what happened, sometimes called “flashbacks.” Some also engage in “hyper-vigilance” – always being on alert.

Treatment can be effective, but “there’s no magic pill,” Cowart says. He points out that Iraq veterans are receiving more counseling upon returning from combat than any previous generation of soldiers.

But many will still have adjustment problems – and the likelihood of problems increases with the number of times soldiers are exposed to intense combat situations. For those with PTSD, group therapy is the standard treatment, and some anti-anxiety medicines or anti-depressants can be effective.

The idea is for veterans to develop “adaptive coping skills,” essentially realizing that the trauma will always be part of their lives but understanding that they can live productively with it. Cowart says family members can play a key role, but veterans often need to talk to others with similar war experiences.

Cowart cautions that the disorder “is often a delayed reaction” that can surface many years or even decades after combat. He urges veterans to get help, to find someone to talk to.

Corey and Lois Edwards know how right he is.

“It doesn’t matter who you talk to – a friend, a spouse – anyone who will let you bend their ear for awhile, it helps,” Corey Edwards said. “My wife, she’s been great. We’ve talked and talked and talked about it, and it seems the more I get off of my shoulders, the more I can lighten up.”

Contact Boyle at 232-5847 or JBoyle@CITIZEN-TIMES.com

Iraqi officers, police members killed so far total 1300-Naqib ?  

http://www.kuna.net.kw/English/print.asp?DSNO={cd9ac3671b356cd86fdb96f1eda7eb3bb1367f54cff58cc36abbd73c33c82e1d}20694138

Democrat Wins by 130 in Latest Washington Count

SEATTLE, Dec. 23 – With all the votes tallied after a recount in the roller coaster race for governor, Christine O. Gregoire, the Democrat who trailed in the campaign and in a previous recount, won by 130 votes as battered Republicans demanded more vote counting and vowed to use every legal weapon to reverse the extraordinary turnaround.

The Republican candidate, Dino Rossi, 45, won the Nov. 2 election in the initial count by 261 votes and a machine recount by 42 votes. But a statewide hand recount completed Thursday gave Ms. Gregoire, 57, a microscopic but notable lead out of the 2.9 million votes cast, according to official results released Thursday. Newly counted ballots from King County, a heavily Democratic area that includes Seattle, turned the 10-vote lead Ms. Gregoire held before the latest official results into a commanding but narrow edge.

“This is the biggest display of democracy that I have ever seen,” Ms. Gregoire, the state attorney general, said at a televised news conference Thursday evening at the State Capitol in Olympia, which was ringed by Republican protestors shouting “count all the votes!”

“The election is over,” she said. “I hope we can move forward, unite our state and address the problems we are facing.”

But an end was anything but certain, as Republicans made it clear that they did not consider the results a legitimate victory for Ms. Gregoire and said they were already considering contesting the election.

Mr. Rossi, in a written statement issued Thursday night, said, “I know many Washingtonians are hoping this will end soon, but I’m also sure that people across this state want a clean election and a legitimate governor-elect. At this point, we have neither.”

Taking a page from their counterparts in Florida in 2000, state Republicans quickly alleged that the votes of soldiers stationed overseas were among hundreds of rejected votes for Mr. Rossi, a former state senator, and should now be counted.

They argued that since the State Supreme Court on Wednesday allowed erroneously rejected and newly discovered votes in King County to be counted, the rejected ballots of soldiers who may have missed deadlines because of their duties should be re-examined as well.

“If you can change the rules for the chairman of the King County Council,” said Chris Vance, chairman of the state Republican Party, referring to Larry Phillips, a Democratic councilman whose vote was among the 735 ballots reviewed in King County on Thursday, “then you can change the rules for a marine wounded in Falluja.”

Mr. Vance said one of the rejected votes for Mr. Rossi was cast by a marine wounded in Falluja whose absentee ballot was received late.

Republicans said they knew of the soldiers’ uncounted ballots by hearing from their families that ballots were either not received by them on time or did not make it back to Washington in time from overseas.

Still, Democrats were claiming victory and not hiding their delight.

“We believe that Chris Gregoire is going to be the next governor,” said Kirstin Brost, spokeswoman for the Washington State Democratic Party. “We believe she is the governor-elect, and we are looking forward to her taking office.”

Republican officials, accompanied by five veterans waving American flags, went into a meeting of the King County Canvassing Board on Thursday and lobbied the board to consider almost 100 rejected ballots for Mr. Rossi in King County.

The board refused to review those votes and 100 others submitted by the Democrats, but Republicans fanned out across the state Thursday lobbying dozens of counties to go back and consider previously rejected ballots. With the election results now certified by all 39 counties and no more recounts legally allowed, legal experts and officials with the Washington secretary of state’s office said state election law would not permit the counties to reconsider any ballots now. But Republicans were steadfast on Thursday and pointed to Thurston County, which had reviewed and counted one ballot after certifying results, saying that action allowed them to ask the other counties to do the same.

In a statement issued Thursday evening Mr. Vance said that several counties agreed on Thursday to “seriously consider” re-examining votes and that he had asked for a delay in the final certification. “We believe Dino Rossi is the legitimate governor-elect of the State of Washington,” he said. “And we will continue fighting to protect his election.”

Thurston County officials said they had interpreted state election law to mean that they could re-evaluate votes until the secretary of state certified the results submitted by the counties; the results of the recount completed on Thursday are expected to be certified on Dec. 30.

But others, including officials in the secretary of state’s office, said the law made it clear that all ballots must be reviewed and counted before a county certifies its results.

The secretary of state, Sam Reed, a Republican, told county auditors on Thursday that counting ballots could not continue after the results were certified and that any challenges should be pursued through the courts, officials in his office said. With King County’s election results announced on Thursday, all 39 counties have now certified their results.

“In our viewpoint, we have elected a governor,” said Trova Hutchins, a spokeswoman for Mr. Reed.

Meanwhile, Republicans said they were also weighing other legal options, which could include contesting the election in court, asking the United States Supreme Court to review the decision on the King County ballots made by the State Supreme Court or asking the State Legislature to order a whole new vote.

Homeless Veterans: Soldiers Go From Fighting in Iraq to Fighting A New War At Home

Two soldiers who recently returned from Iraq talk about how they faced another battle after they returned home. Nicole Goodwin, 24, only found a permanent place to live after she was profiled in the New York Times. 25-year-old Herold Noel is still looking for a place to live for his family. He talks to Democracy Now! in his first broadcast interview. [includes rush transcript]

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld remains under fire from multiple sides of the political spectrum in this country. Most significantly, several leading Republican lawmakers like Senators John McCain, Chuck Hagle and Trent Lott have voiced their opposition to Rumsfeld remaining for another term in the Bush cabinet. This week, the calls for his resignation gained more momentum after Rumsfeld admitted that he had not been personally signing letters of condolence to families of soldiers killed in Iraq or Afghanistan. Instead, Rumsfeld used a rubber-stamp type machine to automatically place his signature on the letters.

Rumsfeld already was under the gun for remarks he made in response to questions from US soldiers in Kuwait on the inadequate amount of armor on their vehicles in Iraq and other shortages facing soldiers serving in the occupation. On Wednesday at the Pentagon press briefing, Rumsfeld tried to deflect criticism that he has neglected US soldiers.

• Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld speaking yesterday at the Pentagon. As the controvery continues over Rumsfeld”s future, it is not only soldiers now deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan who face serious problems. For many soldiers, another battle begins once they return to so-called civilian life in this country after leaving the war zone.

It has become one of the most shameful realities in this country. The number of veterans who return home to the US and end up living on the streets or in homeless shelters. According to the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans, nearly 300,000 veterans are homeless on any given night, and almost half of those are Vietnam vets.

Now, with the occupation of Iraq and some 150,000 troops deployed there and thousands more who have returned, a new generation of soldiers are facing the same realities experienced by their colleagues who fought in Vietnam and in other conflicts. Some of them are suffering from the effects of depleted uranium; others from posttraumatic stress disorder or mental illness sparked by their time in the zone of combat. Others find they have no place to live. Today, we are going to look at the stories of two veterans of the occupation of Iraq who came home to discover how some of the soldiers publicly celebrated by the Bush administration are forced to live.

Nicole Goodwin, former homeless veteran who retured from Iraq earlier this year. She now works with Operation Truth and lobbies on behalf of other Iraq war veterans.

• Herold Noel, former Army specialist who recently returned from Iraq. He is now without a home.

AMY GOODMAN: On Wednesday at the Pentagon press briefing, Rumsfeld tried to deflect criticism that he’s neglected U.S. soldiers.

DONALD RUMSFELD: I, and I know others, stay awake at night with concern for those at risk, with hope for their lives, for their success, and I want those who matter most the men and women in uniform and their families, to know that. And I want them to know that we consider them, the soldiers, the sailors, the airmen, and the marines, to be America’s true treasure, and I thank them and I thank their families.”

AMY GOODMAN: That is Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld speaking at the Pentagon. As the controversy continues over Donald Rumsfeld’s future, it’s not only soldiers now deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan who face serious problems. For many soldiers, another battle begins once they return to so-called civilian life in this country after leaving the war zone.

JUAN GONZALEZ: It has become one of the most shameful realities in this country, the number of veterans who return home to the U.S. and end up living on the streets or in homeless shelters. According to the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans, nearly 300,000 veterans are homeless on any given night, almost half of them Vietnam vets.

AMY GOODMAN: Now, with the occupation of Iraq and some 150,000 troops deployed there, and thousands more who have returned, a new generation of soldiers are facing the same realities experienced by their colleagues who fought in Vietnam and other conflicts. Some of them are suffering from the effects of depleted uranium, others from post- traumatic stress disorder, a mental illness sparked by their time in the zone of combat. Others find they have no place to live. Today we look at the story of Herold Noel, who is joining us in our studio right now, came home to discover how some of the soldiers are publicly — who are publicly celebrated by the Bush administration are forced to live. Herold Noel is a former army specialist who recently returned from Iraq. Welcome to Democracy Now!.

HEROLD NOEL: Thank you.

AMY GOODMAN: Herold, when did you get back?

HEROLD NOEL: I got back August of 2003.

AMY GOODMAN: And that means that you’ve been home for more than a year?

HEROLD NOEL: Yes.

AMY GOODMAN: Where are you living?

HEROLD NOEL: I’m living everywhere. Wherever I can find a place to stay, where I can lay my head, that’s where I stay. I don’t have a current address or nothing like that. But my family is now staying with my — my wife and my children are staying with her sister-in-law, my sister.

JUAN GONZALEZ: Now, could you tell us — you — the unit that you were in and when you first got to Iraq and maybe a little bit of your — of the experiences that you had over there?

HEROLD NOEL: In Iraq, when we first went into Iraq, from the beginning, it was — I knew it was a — a battle we could take. You understand? It was going to be a quick go-in- come-out, ’cause the weapons they had was — was not equal to ours. You understand? Their weapons were primitive, so we found it was an easy war. But there was just a lot of slaughter and death. That’s all.

JUAN GONZALEZ: You were telling us earlier that you weren’t even aware really that you were going to war.

HEROLD NOEL: No, no. I wasn’t aware. I thought when we went to — When we were going to Iraq, first we were stationed in Kuwait for training, as they say. So, when we went to training, we didn’t know what was going to happen, if we were just going to come back home or what until they told us we were going to war. And then we found ourselves sitting at the borderline of Kuwait and Iraq.

AMY GOODMAN: Your family members sending you newspapers saying you were going to war, yet you were being told you were just training. What do you mean when you say slaughter, it was a slaughter?

HEROLD NOEL: It was a slaughter because the people — It was like fighting guns with — with arrows. You understand? ‘Cause those people over there, they had weapons, but their weapons wasn’t — You understand? Even the AK’s they had wasn’t accurate. ‘Cause there be soldiers standing not, I could say, not even miles away like, close to the soldier shooting, and it wouldn’t hit a soldier. And they — and they just get taken out. Children would be on the streets getting caught in the crossfire. I see children get run by tanks.

AMY GOODMAN: Run over?

HEROLD NOEL: Run over by tanks. And — and it’s just sad.

AMY GOODMAN: You were in Fallujah?

HEROLD NOEL: Yes. I was in Fallujah.

JUAN GONZALEZ: You served with what unit?

HEROLD NOEL: Three seven Cav., in Fort Stewart.

AMY GOODMAN: Fort Stewart, Georgia?

HEROLD NOEL: Yeah, Fort Stewart, Georgia.

AMY GOODMAN: And what were the other soldiers saying? What were your conversations?

HEROLD NOEL: Our conversations was basically — you understand: How we going to be looked at when we get back home? Are we going to be looked at as heroes or as people that were just, you know, fighting for Bush. You understand? And we thought we were going to come back as heroes, ’cause we thought we were helping people over there, and — But that wasn’t the case. You understand? ‘Cause we seen the oil spilling through the streets. And we knew what we was fighting for, ’cause people say it’s for 9/11 and weapons of mass destruction, which we didn’t see, ’cause we went into nuclear plants and stuff like that, and we didn’t see no such thing. So, we didn’t know what we were fighting for. All we know, we were fighting for the peace of the people in Iraq. And so, we had to keep our mind on that we fighting for the peace in Iraq.

JUAN GONZALEZ: How long did it take you and the soldiers in your unit to realize how unwelcome you were there?

HEROLD NOEL: The minute we hit Iraq, we knew we wasn’t welcome. ‘Cause we were getting ambushed every day. We had even kids shooting AK’s at us. We had about — even twelve-year-olds, eleven-year-olds shooting AK’s at us, rushing our trucks, trying to get food of the trucks. It was — it’s hard for me to talk about it.

AMY GOODMAN: You have kids yourself?

HEROLD NOEL: Yes, I have kids myself.

AMY GOODMAN: How many?

HEROLD NOEL: I have three kids. My twins are five and my youngest one — son is one.

AMY GOODMAN: When you were in Iraq, did you use your weapon?

HEROLD NOEL: Yes.

AMY GOODMAN: Did you kill people?

HEROLD NOEL: It’s hard — yes. Yes, I did. It’s hard for me to collect that, ’cause once — once you take a life, you understand, you lose a piece of yourself. You understand? You don’t know what’s going to happen you. You take a life, or you could expect for your life to be taken next. And that’s how I was living in Iraq. Sometimes the soldiers they don’t even care no more. ‘Cause they took so much lives, you understand, they were just sitting around waiting for their life to be taken. ‘Cause bombs would go off right next to us, we wouldn’t even jump. You understand? If they hit us, they hit us, if it don’t, it don’t. ‘Cause we didn’t care no more. ‘Cause we went weeks and months, sometimes months, without sleeping and — until we just finally said: “You know what? I’m gonna to sleep tonight. If I don’t wake up, it was just my time to go.” ‘Cause we took a life. You understand? And everybody just had the thought: Well, since we took a life, our life is next. That’s how everybody was living.

JUAN GONZALEZ: What happened when you came back?

HEROLD NOEL: When I came back, it — it was rough. When I came back I stayed in — ‘Cause they extended me six months. What happened, they extended me six months. I tried to stay in Georgia for a while, to see if I could make it, ’cause I, you know, I was told the — the war in Iraq — I mean, being living in New York was going to be rough. So I came to New York ’cause I didn’t have no means of transportation in Georgia. I didn’t have no — no way to get back and forth to work. So, I came to New York to see — You know, that’s where I was born and raised. So I just said, let me come back to New York and see if I can find a job. ‘Cause where I stayed in Georgia, it was a military town. You understand? Everybody — you understand? You in the military, so nobody’s going to look down on you. So I — I was thinking, well, let me come to New York where I can get away from this military stuff and get on my feet. But that’s not the way is ended. I ended up on the street and nowhere to go.

AMY GOODMAN: Herold Noel, a former army specialist. Came back home is homeless now. We’re also joined by Nicole Goodwin. She came home from Iraq. It’s great to have you with us.

NICOLE GOODWIN: Good morning, everyone.

AMY GOODMAN: I’m glad you could make it.

NICOLE GOODWIN: Hello.

AMY GOODMAN: Nicole also found herself in a similar situation. But Nicole, before you went to Iraq, you had a baby less than two months before you left. Is that right?

NICOLE GOODWIN: Yes, I was — When the war was declared, I was still pregnant, and my unit had been called up already, and they were ready for transport; so, about the time I reunited with them, most of my unit had already deployed. And I was forced to make a decision between my duty and service and being a provider for my child and — you know, I decided that my duty would help me do that, because I think that without the military protecting the American freedom, that we — our children won’t have a future in the United States or abroad. So, I had to come to a very quick decision. Most people expected, you know, a great shock, but when you’re in the military service, you are aware that you could get called up any time. And I was very aware of that, and I had made the conscious decision. I wasn’t forced.I mean, I had areas to leave, but I decided that, you know, I was a soldier and I was going to serve and I wanted to contribute to the world my daughter lived in.

JUAN GONZALEZ: And who took care of your daughter while you were gone?

NICOLE GOODWIN: I had her with some close friends in California. The situation back in New York really didn’t allow for me to try to keep her there.

AMY GOODMAN: So, you went to Iraq, came home, and what happened? How did you end up in the streets with your daughter?

NICOLE GOODWIN: It wasn’t necessarily the streets, because there are two types of homelessness. There’s the streets where most people see the homeless, they live — they occupy the subways and the city streets, and then there’s the system. And the system is actually worse than living on the streets. Most people are rejected from the system, and the only alternative is the streets. So, you know, when I had come home, the transition was very rough. It wasn’t — you know, easy. My household wasn’t as stable as most households. You know, I wasn’t welcomed with open arms. And here I was with a baby. And, you know, it went from staying with my mother, to staying at friends’, to just in the system within a matter of four months. And, you know, most people think that, you know, the timespan from returning home, that it can happen, you know, it could take years to become homeless. And, you know, that’s — that is obviously not true. It took me a matter of months. Some people it takes a matter of weeks. Some days it could take a matter of days — Sometimes it could take a matter of days. So, I think the biggest myth that people believe about home — veterans is that we come home and we have this stable, occupied space that is always waiting for us, and that’s not true.

JUAN GONZALEZ: But let me ask you — the military when they recruit people, always trumpet all of the benefits and that the military provides. You know, opportunity for college education, for training, that they’ll provide you for skills. Did you get any support or any — Does the military in any way assist veterans who have left service?

NICOLE GOODWIN: It’s not that the military — First of all, the military doesn’t assist. It’s the Department of Veterans Affairs.

JUAN GONZALEZ: Veterans affairs.

NICOLE GOODWIN: And that’s a big myth. People think — Most people, the public, they believe that the military has, you know, authorization on what happens to soldiers who leave the service, and that’s not true. Once you leave the service, you’re under Veterans Affairs. You are now a veteran. You’re not a soldier anymore. I think the biggest problem with that is the fact that there’s a segregation once you leave, and the transition time is cut short and — You know, people believe that there’s help there, and, yes, there are benefits. I’m not going to say there wasn’t. I do have a G.I. Bil. But if I don’t have a house to live in, I can’t get a job. If I can’t get a job, I can’t go back to school. ‘Cause I have a child to support. Most people coming out of the military, we go in single. We come out with children. So, there are benefits there, but the benefits haven’t been brought up to the — to this now time span that we have, you know. I mean, most of our benefits deal with Vietnam vets, and it took them, you know, twenty, thirty years to get what we have now. But, it’s not taking care of us in the sense of proaction and preventing this from happening.

AMY GOODMAN: Nicole and Herold, I want to thank you very much for being with us. This program has come to an end, but on Monday, we’ll run part two of this interview that we’ll continue after the program. To talk with Herold about what it meant to come home and be with his wife and children, and the conflicts he faced there. And to talk with Nicole about what it meant to actually get a home after she was profiled in The New York Times and what a difference that made, and what she has decided to dedicate her life to. There’s also a profile in the new issue The Indypendent, the newspaper of the New York Indy Media Center, you can go to indymedia.org, independent.org, or just go to our website democracynow.org and we will link to that article. It is called, “Invisible Soldier.” Again, Herold Noel and Nicole Goodwin, thanks so much for being us with.

By the time I got back to our compound it was all over the news. It seemed like the thing had just happened when in reality I had been neck deep in it for several hours. And there it was on TV. Frankly, it’s kind of a blur.

The day began early as I didn’t sleep very well last night. Once I was awake I decided not to just lay there and stare at the darkness so I got up, got dressed, shaved and headed into the TOC, the heart of what goes on. In the TOC (Tactical Operations Center) they monitor several different radio nets to keep abreast of what is happening in the area. It’s the place to be if you want up to the minute information. When I arrived it was fairly calm. I made small talk with the guys there and sipped that first cup of morning coffee. The day was clear and there was very little going on, or so it seemed. A very short while later we received the initial reports. In this area there are several “camps” or “posts” that house the various combat and support units that do the day to day fighting and working around here. The first report said that a mortar had just hit one of the nearby chow halls during the middle of lunch (I’m on GMT so my morning is actually the middle of the day). It’s called a MASCAL or Mass Casualty event and it’s where the rubber meets the road in military ministry. They said there were approximately 10 casualties. That was the extent of it so I kind of filed it away in the back of my mind and continued to sip my coffee. The next report wasn’t so good. 10 dead and approximately 50 wounded. They were being transported to the Combat Surgical Hospital down the street. The Chaplain at the CSH is a good guy and I knew he’d be in need of help so I woke my assistant and we rushed to the hospital. I didn’t expect what I saw.

The scene was little more than controlled chaos. Helicopters landing, people shouting, wounded screaming, bodies everywhere. As the staff began to triage the dead and wounded I found the chaplain and offered my assistance. He directed me to where he needed me and I dove in. I would be hard pressed to write about every person I had the opportunity to pray with today but I will try to relate a few.

I found “Betty” on a stretcher being tended by nurses. I introduced myself and held her hand. She looked up at me and said, “Chaplain, am I going to be alright?” I said that she was despite the fact that I could see she had a long road to recovery ahead of her. Most of her hair had been singed off. Her face was burnt fairly badly, although it didn’t look like the kind of burns that will scar. What I do know is that it was painful enough to hurt just by being in the sun. I prayed with Betty and moved on.

“Ilena” (a made up name. She spoke very softly and had a thick accent so I couldn’t really hear her) had been hit by a piece of shrapnel just above her left breast causing a classic sucking chest wound. The doctors said she had a hemothorax (I think that’s what they called it) which basically meant her left lung was filling with blood and she was having a very hard time breathing. For the next 20 minutes I held her hand while a doctor made an incision in her left side, inserted most of his hand and some kind of medical instrument and then a tube to alleviate the pressure caused by the pooling blood. It was probably the most medieval procedure I have ever been privy to. In the end she was taken to ICU and will be OK.

“Mark” was put on a stretcher and laid along a wall. A small monitor on his hand would tell the nurses when he was dead. Even a cursory glance said it was inevitable. Mark had a head wound that left brain matter caked in his ear and all over the stretcher he was lying on. I knelt next to Mark and placed a hand on his chest. His heart was barely beating but it was beating so I put my face close to his ear to pray with him. If you’ve never smelled human brain matter it is something unforgettable. I had something of an internal struggle. He’s practically dead so why stay? He probably can’t hear anything! A prayer at that point seemed of little value. But I couldn’t risk it. I prayed for Mark and led him in the sinners prayer as best I could. There are few things in this life that will make you feel more helpless. After that, I needed some fresh air.

I stepped outside and found the situation to be only slightly less chaotic. The number of body bags had grown considerably since I first went inside. I saw a fellow chaplain who was obviously in need of care himself. I stopped him and put my arm around him and asked how he was doing. A rhetorical question if ever I asked one. He just shook his head so I pulled him in close and prayed for his strength, endurance, a thick skin, and a soft heart. Then I just stood and breathed for a few minutes.

Regardless of what some may say, these are not stupid people. Any attack with casualties will naturally mean that eventually a very large number of care givers will be concentrated in one location. They took full advantage of that. In the middle of the mayhem the first mortar round hit about 100 to 200 meters away. Everyone started shouting to get the wounded into the hospital which is solid concrete and much safer than being in the open. Soon, the next mortar hit quite a bit closer than the first as they “walked” their rounds toward their intended target…us. Everyone began to rush toward the building. I stood at the door shoving as many people inside as I could. Just before heading in myself, the last one hit directly on top of the hospital. I was standing next to the building so was shielded from any flying shrapnel. In fact, the building, being built as a bunker took the hit with little effect. However, I couldn’t have been more than 10 to 15 meters from the point of impact and brother did I feel the shock. That’ll wake you up! I rushed inside to find doctors and nurses draped over patients, others on the floor or under something. I ducked low and quickly moved as far inside as I could.

After a few tense moments people began to move around again and the business of patching bodies and healing minds continued in earnest. As I stood talking with some other chaplain, an officer approached and not seeing us, yelled, “Is there a chaplain around here?” I turned and asked what I could do. He spoke to us and said that another patient had just been moved to the “expectant” list and would one of us come pray for him. I walked in and found him lying on the bed with a tube in his throat, and no signs of consciousness. There were two nurses tending to him in his final moments. One had a clipboard so I assumed she’d have the information I wanted. I turned to her and asked if she knew his name. Without hesitation the other nurse, with no papers, blurted out his first, middle, and last name. She had obviously taken this one personally. I’ll call him “Wayne”. I placed my hand on his head and lightly stroked his dark hair. Immediately my mind went to my Grandpa’s funeral when I touched his soft grey hair for the last time. And for the second time in as many hours I prayed wondering if it would do any good, but knowing that God is faithful and can do more than I even imagine. When I finished I looked up at the nurse who had known his name. She looked composed but struggling to stay so. I asked, “Are you OK?” and she broke down. I put my arm around her to comfort and encourage her. She said, “I was fine until you asked!” Then she explained that this was the third patient to die on her that day.

“Rachel” was sitting in a chair with no injuries. She was worried about two friends that had been moved to other hospitals in country. So we prayed.

“John”, a First Sergeant, asked me, “How does my face look?” knowing he had been badly burned and would probably have some scaring. He was covered in blood, pus, and charred skin so I said, “First Sergeant, you look better than some people I know back home.” He laughed and we prayed.

One of the many American civilian workers had been hit in the groin. He was happy to be alive and even happier to be keeping, “all my equipment.” It was a light moment in a very heavy day.

As my assistnt and I walked away at the end of the day I saw another chaplain and a soldier standing among the silent rows of black body bags. The soldier wanted to see his friend one more time. We slowly and as respectfully as possible unzipped the bag to reveal the face of a very young Private First Class. His friend stared for a few seconds then turned away and began to cry.

The last count was 25 dead, and around 45 wounded. Nevertheless, our cause is just and God is in control even when the crap is a yard deep. I’m where God wants me and wouldn’t change that for anything, even if it means death. After all, “to die is gain”.

Post Script: all patient names are ficticious.

They can only dream of holidays at home

By Al Neuharth, USA TODAY Founder

Most of us love to spend Christmas with our families, but many cannot. Some numbers of this year’s can-dos and cannots:

•More than 62 million of us will travel 50 miles or more to be with family.

•Most of our 2.4 million military men and women will be unable to go home for the holidays.

•More than a half million troops serving overseas will have little holiday happiness, especially the 138,000 in Iraq.

My saddest Christmases came when I was ages 19, 20 and 21 serving in the Army in World War II. The 86th (Blackhawk) Infantry Division took me far from my South Dakota home, first to Texas and California for training, then to France, Germany and the Philippines.

Some of my Blackhawk buddies and I often were watery-eyed when we heard the holiday hit song of 1943 and 1944 — Bing Crosby singing, I’ll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams.

Despite unhappy holidays, nearly all of us who served in WWII were proud, determined and properly armed and equipped to help defeat would-be world conquerors Hitler in Germany, Mussolini in Italy and Hirohito in Japan.

At age 80, I’d gladly volunteer for such highly moral duty again. But if I were eligible for service in Iraq, I would do all I could to avoid it. I would have done the same during the Vietnam War, as many of the politically connected did.

“Support Our Troops” is a wonderful patriotic slogan. But the best way to support troops thrust by unwise commanders in chief into ill-advised adventures like Vietnam and Iraq is to bring them home. Sooner rather than later. That should be our New Year’s resolution.

Neuharth Call for Pullout in Iraq Draws Massive Response

By Greg Mitchell
Published: December 23, 2004 5:00 PM ET

NEW YORK An E & P report on USA Today founder Al Neuharth’s Thursday column for that newspaper has quickly drawn dozens of (mostly negative) emails. In the column, Neuharth, noting how many soldiers were far from home and in harm’s way at Christmas, called for a U.S. pullout from Iraq “sooner rather than later.” A World War II vet, he said he would not serve if he had been called today for this war. And he noted that in WW II, troops were “properly equipped.”

Here is a sampling of the responses:

A.P. Oliver, commander USN (ret.): “To withdraw troops from Iraq would qualify as the greatest surrender in history and invite direct attacks here in this country and ultimately drastically change the way we live. No respectful American could agree with your illogical conclusion.”

J. Boke, Titusville, FL: “Al Neuharth’s war experience crippled his brain, or he’s just too old to have much left. War experience doesn’t necessarily make one wise. It CAN have a negative effect on one’s judgement. It sounds like Mr. Neuharth, as well John McCain, both suffered mentally via their strong emotional suffering.”

Michael Bustamente, Sterling Height, MI: “Tell you what. We leave and the sanctimonious jerks like you and your Free Press, you go there and stay after we leave.”

Richard C. Fairchild: “Al, thanks for your willingness to express your view that we should bring our troops home sooner rather than later, which I as a veteran of service both in the army and Marine Corps also hold. To me, in this case, sooner means right away. I applaud your courage, you will take heat.”

Henry Yang: “Did he really serve in France, Germany and Philippines? Where was he when our tanks were ill-equipped to deal with the hedge rows in France after the Normandy landing? Do we need to count the number of unnecessary casualties because we were not properly armed and equipped in WW II? By the way, how could we send soldiers to fight the Battle of the Bulge with not properly clothed for the winter and does he know how many soldiers froze to death?”

William Billingsley: “There already are way too many without arms and legs. Withdraw. Do it now. I hope we the people have learned from this but we didn’t learn from Vietnam. So I guess just more of the same.”

Cliff Hair: “Never heard of Al Neuharth! What makes him so special and who gives a damn what he thinks?”

David J. Horchak: “I agree with Al Neuharth’s sentiment that we should bring home our troops as soon as possible… once their mission is complete. Everything else is sheer fantasy and lies.”

Bob Armstrong, Clayton, CA: “Tell Al that my Pop served on Guadalcanal and they sure as hell were not properly equipped. The First Marine Division stormed ashore with WW I rifles and had to eat captured Jap food for 3 months. War is hell and every war has shorfalls. The M16 first sent to Vietnam was a joke. When the Iraqi elections are held and they demostrate a willingness to fight for freedom this will all worth it. If we fail it will be an Iraqi failure not ours.”

Phil Miller: “Bush and the Republican congress will do more to defeat Bush and the Republican congress through
this invasion than ANYTHING the Democrats could do. If Iraq actually gets a free election not picked by Bush it will demand U.S occupation troops leave asap and I would guess they will indict Bush, Chaney et al on war crimes. Then what will Bush say?”

Galen Heslet, Hemet, CA: “Al Neuharth should butt out. Nobody elected him to run things in this country. His liberal-leftist negativity isn’t doing the troops in Iraq any good with this kind of tripe.”

Bill Rollins: “Al, I want to thank you for your bravery and you pegged it correctly, we went into an un-moral preemptive strike that was foolishly planned and ill-conceived. We should have at least 500,000 to 750,000 troops well equipped to keep it a moral war. Now we have split our britches and put our men in harm’s way.”

Pat Giuffra: “I have asked the hotels to not deliver USA Today anymore to my room because of this type of distorted news reporting the it is putting out these days.”

Greg Mitchell gmitchell@editorandpublisher.com